Author: jacqueline

HI! Thanks for coming.

Comeback

I haven’t written in a while so I think I’ll use this post to catch up on life. My last post discussed our adoption and my inferfility struggles. And now…

We had finally sent out our dossier to South Korea on July 14th. One of the happiest days of my life. Excitement was an understatement. We even had a name picked out. With South Korea adoptions at that time, the wait time from when your dossier gets sent out to when you receive a match was about 6 weeks. On July 24th I got that long awaited two pink lines.  Low and behold I write this with a 10 month old baby girl attatched to my chest. The adoption was put on hold. We actually tried to continue, but the agency laughed at me. In hindsight that would have been ridiculous.

We have since updated our homestudy and plan to send out our dossier (once again) when baby girl turns two.

The story on how we overcame infertility is coming soon….

Baby Steps: Our Adoption Journey Begins

I have wanted to adopt a child as long as I can remember. It was one of those dreams that seemed so far off, I never really grasped it’s possibility. Thanks to my huge disappointment of a uterus, the dream is coming into view. Today we went to our first real adoption event, the pre-adopt class.

The seven hour, rather intimidating, all day class was actually super fun and informative. We met four other couples also beginning their journey and three individuals who have already gone through the process. Listening to the stories of the people who have long since brought their children home, I can start to imagine our homecoming. While we still have mountains of paper work, home visits, and much waiting to look forward to, today will forever signify the beginning. I know the finish line is out there, however far away it may be.

We’ve been in contact with the agency for about two months now, including several phone calls, emails and one orientation. But this class was the first actually requirement for the adoption process. One down, 2354 to go 🙂 However difficult the process may become, it feels so good just to be in control. After three years of fertility failure, I actually have a say in this outcome.

After lots of research and many conversations with the program coordinator, it seems like Korea is the best fit for our family right now. I was initially super excited about adopting through Haiti but as luck would have it they are currently transitioning to a new program and many aspects of the process are in limbo, making the wait times long and unpredictable. Since my Dad, brother and I used to speak French I felt travel and the transition for the child would be easier.  It’s not going to work out right now, but maybe for our next child 🙂

The Korea program has many aspects that we’re drawn to and has quickly become my new happy thought (everyone needs a happy thought).  They have many strict guidelines that we some how meet. They are also great about providing a ton of information about the birth family and even encourage contact. That’s something we feel is super important and hope that it works out. We’d like to be able to answer any and all questions about our child’s past as honestly and as accurately as possible and hopefully be able to reunite them later in life. Currently the program is also on the faster side of international adoption. We could have a referral as soon as 0 to 6 months after the home study. I’m trying not to get too excited though, just in case it takes much longer.

Another aspect about Korea, and actually most international adoption programs, is that there are much more available boys than girls. I won’t get into all the reasons why but knowing this allows me to see clearer into the future. I’m sure it’s premature but we’re considering names and my goodness it is beyond fun. I would absolutely love to have another girl (would cut down on clothing costs) but chances are slim to none and we’re ecstatic either way.

There is so much more to discuss but there will be plenty of time for that later.  I’d love to hear about your stories, wherever you may be in the process or however different your process is (domestic vs. international). And please let me know if you have any questions, I’ll answer as best I can (not knowing much myself at this point:).

Thank you so much for reading!!

Due Date

Today is January 19th, 2016. Today is my due date.

I’m not nine months pregnant awaiting the faintest sign of labor. Nor am I fawning over a newborn. I’m at home taking care of my sick four year old and my poor dog recovering from a major surgery.

I miscarried at 10 weeks back in July. I’ve spent most of my time since trying to get pregnant again with no success. I was hoping to be pregnant again by now so that this date wouldn’t be so hard. Well it’s not as bad as I was anticipating. I had a major meltdown two days ago but today has gone rather well. My daughter only has a small cold and my dog is getting better each day (we’ll get into his condition in a later post). Maybe the universe gave my daughter this cold so that I might not be alone today. Maybe.

We’ve been trying to conceive for over three years now so the miscarriage is that much more magnified. Se la vie. I’ve gone to an infertility support group, which I don’t think they really like me since I already have a child. Haven’t been invited back.

I have a very high FSH (23) and a very low AMH (can’t find my test results right now). Most western doctors would tell me it’s never going to happen but I don’t think so. I have one extremely healthy child and have been pregnant twice. I strongly believe I will have another biological child and I can’t wait to prove western medicine wrong. But I’m taking a break. I don’t feel that I haven’t completely recovered physically from the miscarriage… and emotionally (but when does that ever get better?).

My joy, excitement and hope comes from the prospect of adoption. We officially start our journey in a few days as we take our pre-adopt class. From there we begin our home study. We are working with an intentional adoption agency and have not yet confirmed which country we’ll be working with. As of right now Korea seems like the best fit.

One day I’ll look back on this difficult time and be thankful. I. Can’t. Wait. But for now I just need to focus on the wonderful parts of my life and there are a LOT. My husband’s a badass and my daughter is supermodel gorgeous.

I hope anyone else going through the same thing takes some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Things get better.